Crumbs: no thank you. Stale bagel: no thank you. Thrown sandwich crust: NO THANK YOU. This pigeon has developed standards. This pigeon wants flesh. It has had a long think about where it's at in life and has decided it would like to be feared. There is nothing you can do about it.

• Soft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size
• Screen-printed in the USA with premium ink
• Machine wash cold, tumble dry low

For the pigeon-watchers who always suspected there was something more going on.