The plan is simple. Phase one: humanity. Phase two: crab. This creature is between phases, already convinced of the direction. Everything humans do is exhausting. Everything crabs do is walking sideways and vibing. The crab phase is clearly the upgrade. Get in while the molting is good.

• Soft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size
• Screen-printed in the USA with premium ink
• Machine wash cold, tumble dry low

For people who have done the math and found crabs doing better at this.