The letter opens formally. The letter concludes clearly. The cat has drafted this. The cat has also re-read and approved it. Diplomatic phrasing and direct demand, side by side. The cat knows how a professional grievance should look. The cat also knows what it actually wants to say.

• Soft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size
• Screen-printed in the USA with premium ink
• Machine wash cold, tumble dry low

For people whose out-of-office replies have been workshopped for maximum passive aggression.